all grown up

i have spent the last couple hours sitting at my kitchen table balancing my checkbook and attempting to sign up for online bill pay through my bank. needless to say it hasnt felt like the most productive or fun couple hours.

10 years ago i was 14 years old, chasing after boys and praying i looked better in my clothes than i felt. i developed faster than my friends and was embarrassed about it. i couldnt wait to have a job and have money to buy "important" things. i thought having a boyfriend was one of the most important things in the world. i couldnt wait to be in my 20s so i could do what i wanted to do.

5 years ago, i was 19 years old. that was a big year for me. i was thrust into adulthood. i had always been grown-up for my age (or so i had always been told), but at this point, i was scared to death. i was supposed to be making decisions that would affect my career. i found out i was going to be a mother. i had always wanted to be grown-up with a family, a home, and a career....but now being on the brink of it, i began to feel less and less ready. i began to wonder if i was going to have the career i had just started getting excited about. i had always wanted to be a wife one day, but with the possibility of it right around the corner, i realized how un-ready i was for marriage. being a mom was something that i had always wanted to do, but being a pregnant 19-year-old did not exactly feel the same as i had always pictured motherhood.

now we come to today...a real-life grown-up with a rented home, a gorgeous 3 1/2 year old little boy, a car that i own all on my own, and a engagement that fits perfectly this time.

despite the frustrations of balancing a checkbook, paying rent, and still not quite being able to fully work her cell phone, this grown-up has it pretty dang good.

thanks be to God.

emily